You Have A Problem
by ScarlettFever0193
Summary: A silly little oneshot. Edge's friends confront him about his obsession with the World Heavyweight Title.


After yet another night of failing to win the World Heavyweight title, a very frustrated Edge opened the door to his locker room. To his surprise, when he opened the door, inside sat Rhyno, Kurt Angle, Lita, Christian, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, and Val Venis. They all stared at Edge apprehensively.

"What are you guys doing here?" he asked, puzzled.

Rhyno scratched his beard and looked at Kurt. Kurt took his medal out of his case and looked at Lita. Lita fondled with her necklace and looked at Christian. Christian wondered if his hair looked better long or short and looked at Chris Benoit. Chris Benoit…

"Stop it! Stop it! Will you please tell me what's going on here?" Edge snapped.

Val looked his friend straight in the eye and said, "Edge, you have a problem."

He scoffed. "I do not."

"Oh yeah, ese? Watch this! World… Heavyweight… Championship… Title!" Eddie smirked.

With that, Edge's serene and slightly amused look changed drastically.

His eyes bugged and filled with anger and resentment. His sneer vanished and a viscous snarl took its place. His nose scrunched and he started to rant.

"_I_ deserve that title! _I_ should have been voted in at Taboo Tuesday! _I_ should have prevailed at New Years Revolution! _I should have that belt around my waist right now!_" and on and on and on.

Val rolled his eyes and requested, "Lovely Lita, would you mind?"

She smiled, got up, and slapped Edge as hard as she could. He shook his head.

"Sorry about that." He muttered sheepishly.

"That's exactly our point!" Rhyno exclaimed hotly. "You're obsessed with that stupid title!"

"Well, when you were obsessed with a certain hardcore title, I don't remember ever bringing it up!" Edge complained.

Rhyno's eyes grew big and wide. His nose started to run and his face adopted a dismal look.

"Why WWE? Why did you take the hardcore title away from me? I loved it! It was my sweet baby! We had a relationship. A RELATIONSHIP!"

That kind of creeped everyone out, so Lita took it upon her business to slap him out of it.

"Whoa! What happened?" he asked, dazed.

"See! It's not just me! And how about you, Val? You're obsessed with women!"

Val's blank look changed into a seductive sexy appearance.

"Helllllllllo ladies! Had a good time on Earth? Well now it's time to explore the planet _Venis_!" he smiled.

That made Lita angry, so she slapped him even harder that she slapped the other two combined.

"And you, Chris Benoit? Obsessed with finding your missing tooth!"

At the mention of his estranged companion, Chris Benoit grew poignant and upset.

"Charlie! Charlie where are you? Come back home Charlie and I promise that I'll never ever eat sweets near you again!" he called on the brink of tears.

This time Eddie put Chris Benoit out of his misery.

"Hey! Who dares to hit me?" Chris Benoit growled.

"Who's Charlie?" Kurt asked.

"My missing tooth. Why?"

"Just curious."

Christian sighed. "Well, Edge I guess you're right."

Edge smiled and nodded.

"I mean, it was a good try, but- World Heavyweight Championship!"

Edge immediately went back into psycho mode. Christian laughed.

"Hey homes, don't play with people like that…" Eddie started.

"I agree, Eddie, I mean it's not good to play with people's- Rey Mysterio!"

Eddie's normally cool look became down-right frightening. His eyes squinted. His nose flared and his mouth curled into an ugly snarl.

"Rey… Mysterio? Rey Mysterio thinks he can beat me? Well Rey… I have a secret! And I will tell this secret to the whole world! And to Dominick, Rey! Do you think Dominick wants to hear it, Rey? Huh? Do you?" Eddie ranted.

The wrestlers scooted away from Eddie.

"Hey, how do you do that?" Kurt asked.

"What? Make 'em go cuckoo bananas? Just say their obsessions. Like this: hey Val, women!"

Val smiled again and took off his shirt and pants this time, exposing his undies, which weren't very sexy considering that they had Spongebob Squarepants on them. He did a stripping style dance.

Edge threw a chair, hitting Chris Benoit in the head, knocking him out. Eddie screamed.

"Wow, this is getting a little weird. Maybe we should turn them back." Rhyno suggested.

Christian scratched his beard. "Rhyno, you have a point. I'm sure- hardcore title!"

Rhyno roared and Gored Eddie.

"Christian, seriously, you have to stop." Lita pleaded.

"Okay… but first-"

"King of the Ring!" Kurt bellowed.

Christian normally cocky look transformed into that of a sad little boy. He sniffed.

"Why couldn't I be King of the Ring? Maybe I just wasn't good enough. Edge was King of the Ring… Kurt was King of the Ring… why couldn't I be…" Christian went to a corner and sat there, muttering to himself.

Lita put here hands on here hips. "Kurt!"

"Sorry, sorry… it's just so much fun you know?"

"No, I don't."

The two were the only ones left. Edge Speared Val just inches away from them. Kurt and Lita knew what to do.

"Trish Status!"

"Your Olympic Gold Medals!"

Lita grew angry and started to ramble on about what a bitch Trish was and Kurt became super-protective of his medals, hiding them in his pants.

She was so angry that she did the Lita DDT on anything that moved. Kurt started foaming at the mouth. Soon, everyone in the locker room was knocked out.

A Few Months Later…

After yet another night of failing to win the World Heavyweight title, a very frustrated Chris Jericho opened the door to his locker room. To his surprise, when he opened the door, inside sat Rhyno, Kurt Angle, Lita, Christian, Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, and Val Venis. They all stared at Chris Jericho apprehensively…


End file.
